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I have been writing consistently at least 2 essays a week for the past 3 and a half years. Much as I enjoy writing, I love showing my work to the world. And I don’t just write for the sake of Writing. I, instead, write strictly TIMED essays you will most likely expect in the IELTS. Bare in mind that the TIMER is your true friend, and this makes time abundance your foe. Always time yourself 1 hour for a FULL test or 20 minutes for Task 1 and 40 minutes for Task 2. Remember to tackle the question(s) without any pre-reading since this element of surprise of having a random question thrown right into your face is what IELTS Writing is all about. These under-exam-condition essays, no matter how shitty they turn out to be, are indicative of your TRUE level of English, of what you could reasonably do in a real test, and also a foundation on which you can build up and keep refining your skills. And finally, you can take advice from me as someone who has, countless times, pulled off an 8.0 in Writing. Have fun reading and stay hungry for knowledge. Ngoc.

rishi sunak
Writing Task 2

Egalitarian Societies
Nicky Nguyen
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In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits.

Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Many research studies have highlighted a causal connection between utopian societies and personal growth, which has prompted the contention that individuals can accomplish more in more egalitarian societies. In my opinion, one can only grow when given the liberty to commit to personal causes. 

A utopian society provides its constituents with sustenance but not necessarily individual growth. This can be evidenced both economically and socially. In developed countries, there is typically a social safety net in the form of food banks, soup kitchens, or free healthcare to support less privileged citizens. Though the unemployed or people living below the poverty line can rely on these benefits for sustenance, this arguably deprives individuals of personal incentives to exert themselves, find decent employment, and in part, escape from poverty. An egalitarian society can also stifle growth in the workforce. If companies around the world embraced a hypothetical system of equal pay for all employees, such a policy would likely cause economic stagnation, stifle innovation, damage companies’ reputations, and hamper personal motivation generally. 

As far as I am concerned, success is not linear and one can only see high levels of achievement when granted the freedom to make mistakes. A relevant example would be Rishi Sunak, the current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. He was born into humble beginnings with both parents originally immigrants from India who sought asylum in the UK for the promise of a better life. Though the UK welcomed the family as asylum seekers and provided Rishi with education opportunities, he still applied himself, studying earnestly at school, securing quality employment at investment banks, and later entering the political world. Despite an early defeat in his bid to become prime minister against Liz Truss, Rishi continued to persevere with his campaigns and political beliefs, and finally managed to ascend to the position of Prime Minister after several debates. Similar instances of success can be seen in all industries but the overlapping commonality is the liberty to pursue one’s purposes and the freedom to fail. 

In conclusion, high achievers tend to be those who are free to pursue their personal causes despite the safety net provided by an egalitarian society. One should try to capitalise on all opportunities being presented. 

Essay Breakdown

Structure

Introduction

[1] Many research studies have highlighted a causal connection between utopian societies and personal growth, which has prompted the contention that individuals can accomplish more in more egalitarian societies. [2] In my opinion, one can only grow when given the liberty to commit to personal causes.

1. Paraphrase the topic – utopian societies are associated with personal growth

2. A clear opinion stating a personal viewpoint

Body

Paragraph 1

[1] A utopian society provides its constituents with sustenance but not necessarily individual growth. [2] This can be evidenced both economically and socially. [3] In developed countries, there is typically a social safety net in the form of food banks, soup kitchens, or free healthcare to support less privileged citizens. [4] Though the unemployed or people living below the poverty line can rely on these benefits for sustenance, this arguably deprives individuals of personal incentives to exert themselves, find decent employment, and in part, escape from poverty. [5] An egalitarian society can also stifle growth in the workforce. [6] If companies around the world embraced a hypothetical system of equal pay for all employees, such a policy would likely cause economic stagnation, stifle innovation, damage companies’ reputations, and hamper personal motivation generally.

1. A topic sentence showing the main idea – a utopian society provides sustenance but not individual growth to its constituents

2. Take economic and social instances as examples (Examples-led paragraph)

3. Show the first example related to society

4. Use a concessive clause to show the negative impacts of a utopian society on individual growth

5. A second example related to the economy/ the workforce

6. A hypothetical sentence showing the negative aspects of an imaginary equally-treated society in the workforce to emphasize my personal point of view

Paragraph 2

[1] As far as I am concerned, success is not linear and one can only see high levels of achievement when granted the freedom to make mistakes. [2] A relevant example would be Rishi Sunak, the current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. [3] He was born into humble beginnings with both parents originally immigrants from India who sought asylum in the UK for the promise of a better life. [4] Though the UK welcomed the family as asylum seekers and provided Rishi with education opportunities, he still applied himself, studying earnestly at school, securing quality employment at investment banks, and later entering the political world. [5] Despite an early defeat in his bid to become prime minister against Liz Truss, Rishi continued to persevere with his campaigns and political beliefs, and finally managed to ascend to the position of Prime Minister after several debates. [6] Similar instances of success can be seen in all industries but the overlapping commonality is the liberty to pursue one’s purposes and the freedom to fail.

1. A topic sentence showing the main idea – the freedom to make mistakes is the key to high levels of achievement

2. Take Rishi Sunak – the current UK Prime Minister as an example (example-led paragraph)

3. Introduce the example’s context

4. Continue to develop the example

5. Show the result of the example to support the main idea

6. A conclusion generalising and mentioning relevant cases to state the main idea again

Conclusion

[1] In conclusion, high achievers tend to be those who are free to pursue their personal causes despite the safety net provided by an egalitarian society. [2] One should try to capitalise on all opportunities being presented. 

1. Restate my opinion

2. Extend the viewpoint by stating a final thought

Vocabulary

Many research studies have highlighted a causal connection between utopian societies and personal growth, which has prompted the contention that individuals can accomplish more in more egalitarian societies. In my opinion, one can only grow when given the liberty to commit to personal causes. 

A utopian society provides its constituents with sustenance but not necessarily individual growth. This can be evidenced both economically and socially. In developed countries, there is typically a social safety net in the form of food banks, soup kitchens, or free healthcare to support less privileged citizens. Though the unemployed or people living below the poverty line can rely on these benefits for sustenance, this arguably deprives individuals of personal incentives to exert themselves, find decent employment, and in part, escape from poverty. An egalitarian society can also stifle growth in the workforce. If companies around the world embraced a hypothetical system of equal pay for all employees, such a policy would likely cause economic stagnation, stifle innovation, damage companies’ reputations, and hamper personal motivation generally. 

As far as I am concerned, success is not linear and one can only see high levels of achievement when granted the freedom to make mistakes. A relevant example would be Rishi Sunak, the current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. He was born into humble beginnings with both parents originally immigrants from India who sought asylum in the UK for the promise of a better life. Though the UK welcomed the family as asylum seekers and provided Rishi with education opportunities, he still applied himself, studying earnestly at school, securing quality employment at investment banks, and later entering the political world. Despite an early defeat in his bid to become prime minister against Liz Truss, Rishi continued to persevere with his campaigns and political beliefs, and finally managed to ascend to the position of Prime Minister after several debates. Similar instances of success can be seen in all industries but the overlapping commonality is the liberty to pursue one’s purposes and the freedom to fail. 

In conclusion, high achievers tend to be those who are free to pursue their personal causes despite the safety net provided by an egalitarian society. One should try to capitalise on all opportunities being presented. 

  • a causal connection: if there is a causal connection between two things, one thing is responsible for causing the other
  • utopian society: a non-existent ideal society where everything is as good as it can possibly be for everyone in the society
  • contention (n): heated disagreement
  • egalitarian society: in such a society, all are considered equal, regardless of gender, race, religion, or age
  • constituent (n): a person who lives in and can vote in a constituency
  • sustenance (n): the food and drink people, animals and plants need to live and stay healthy
  • safety net (n): something that provides security against misfortune or difficulty
  • less privileged citizens (n): those who have less money, education, etc., than other people in a society
  • below the poverty line (n): a benchmark to indicate economic disadvantage and to identify individuals and households in need of government assistance and aid.
  • deprives somebody of something: to prevent somebody from having or doing something, especially something important
  • exert (v): to use power or influence to affect somebody/something
  • stifle growth (v): to hamper development/ to impede growth
  • economic stagnation (n): a prolonged period of slow economic growth
  • hamper (v): to prevent somebody from easily doing or achieving something
  • born into humble beginnings: from a family that did not have high social status or much money.
  • asylum seeker (n): someone who leaves their own country, often for political reasons or because of war, and who travels to another country hoping that the government will protect them and allow them to live there
  • ascend to (v): to rise; to go up; to climb up
  • overlapping commonality (n): features/attributes that are the same or happen at the same time
  • capitalise on: to take advantage of

Reading

Further reading about this topic can be found here:

https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn22071-inequality-why-egalitarian-societies-died-out/

Listening

Further listening about this topic can be found here:

https://study.com/academy/lesson/characteristics-of-a-utopian-society.html

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